The Republican Standard

Montgomery Biscuits Offend Alabama Millennials

As he drove hurriedly through the Montgomery, Alabama, rush hour traffic in his parent’s borrowed Prius in an Arcade Fire-induced panic, all he was thinking was “I just want to Instagram a beautiful sunset at a baseball game through a sepia-tone filter.” However, as he grabbed a locally-brewed IPA at “Millennial Night” at Riverwalk Stadium, then sat in the stands to snapchat sneering captions as the Montgomery Biscuits played ball, the unnamed millennial was greeted with a storm of offensive, cheeky humor that sent him running for the nearest unoccupied safe space.

Tragedy. Absolute tragedy.

This was likely the situation during a recently minor league baseball game when the Tampa Bay Rays’ Double-A affiliate wanted to pack more people in its 7,000-seat stadium. As a “publicity stunt,” the front desk of the Montgomery Biscuits advertised the game on social media saying in a tweet: “Want free things without doing much work? Well you’re in luck! Riverwalk Stadium will be millennial friendly on Saturday, July 21, with a participation ribbon giveaway just for showing up, napping and selfie stations, along with lots of avocados.”

Below is what appeared on local television to advertise the theme night:

So much offensiveness, so little time…

Mike Murphy, vice president of fan engagement for the Biscuits, said in a report from Fox News that, “80 percent of the people in our front office are millennials, myself included, and we’re just having fun with some of the clichés that people point out about millennials.”

Not so fast Murphy, you compassionless ruffian…I can’t even!

The backlash on Twitter, as to be expected, criticized the post for its “insensitivity and thoughtlessness.” Reportedly, one tweet read: “As a non-millennial, I think your copy was supposed to read, ‘Riverwalk Stadium will have a condescending promo intended to ensure millennials never visit again.'”

Murphy told reporters the team is “sorry” if the adverting stunt offended any baseball fans, but explained that they are standing by their decision for the post and “would not change anything” about their approach.

Biscuits pitcher Benton Ross told reporters, “If it’s insensitive, then maybe they should just have thicker skin.”

Bullies, I say!

We have become a world where feelings matter more than anything else. A world where snowflakes are melting in the heat as they begin to grasp the idea that not everyone is going to cater to them and their desires.

Some in Montgomery say the Biscuits will have to work hard to show their appreciation for the millennial fans they lost. Though, after this was said, the Biscuits took to Twitter again in their typical hilarious fashion, urging anyone who’s offended to fight their battles “IRL” (which apparently means “in real life” in millennialsplaning) and submit a valid complaint in person to the “Millennial Night Thinktank.”

Touché Biscuits, touché.

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