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Who Is The Mysterious Map Maker And Why Won’t Democrats Reveal The Alleged Cartographer?

Come all ye who seeketh to followeth the st’ry of the House Democrats and the quest to bewray the myst’rious mapeth mak’r. 

More questions are surfacing as Democrats in the Virginia House of Delegates rolled out their “new and improved” legislative map last week, which alters 29 of the state’s 100 districts. After the release there was bipartisan criticism, with House Majority Leader Todd Gilbert (R-Page) calling it a “hypocritical partisan power grab,” and Delegate Stephen Heretick (D-Portsmouth) taking to floor to call the redistricting attempt a “self-serving, political power grab. It’s gerrymandering in response to gerrymandering. It’s tit-for-tat. It’s, in the immortal words of baseball great Yogi Berra, ‘it is deja vu all over again.'”

Recently, two top Democrats were questioned by the House Privileges and Elections committee about who exactly drew the new district boundaries. However, it seems that the party that drew lines, allegedly, doesn’t even know who did it.

And so beginneth the tale.

When questioned by Gilbert on who drew the new map, Delegate Lamont Bagby (D-Henrico), who is the patron of H.B. 7001, the bill to redistrict nearly one-third of the Commonwealth, said it was a “collective effort…I don’t know…the exact names…of the individuals.”

He then turned to Minority Leader David Toscano (D-Charlottesville) to take over answering the questions. Though, it didn’t get any better. In fact, it left the audience more confused.

“I have seen these maps,” Toscano said.

“We started with people…we had some consultants out of Washington, and we had other people who had map software, and we started movin’ precincts around, and as you move precincts around there’s a ripple effect and they go out into different districts. So, that’s how the map got produced,” he answered.

When asking about the mystery map makers, Gilbert asked Bagby: “Who would ‘they’ have been taking to, to express those concerns about racial issues?”

Bagby answered, “the map drawer.”

All ye who wisheth to traveleth through the labyrinth, tis furth’r than thee bethink. Timeth is sh’rt to expose the mapeth mak’r. 

When Gilbert asked Toscano if he had “been on some of those calls,” which presumably was for Democratic input on the making of the new map with this mystery map maker or map drawer, the minority leader said, “I might have been on some of those calls.”

He added, “Ultimately, the map drawer…that person is in a better position to tell somebody the answer to the question.”

The mapeth mak’r knoweth all.

Jumping into the conversation, Delegate Mark Cole (R-Stafford) then asked: “Would it be possible for us to get a list of map drawers as you called them.”

“Well, I don’t know,” Toscano said bluntly.

Who so dareth bewray the mapeth mak’r? 

“Look, we have a map,” Toscano responded while smirking. “If you don’t like the map, either you amend it, or you vote it down.”

The situation surrounding the saga of the mystery map maker is reminiscent of a fictitious story that would be featured as a “whodunit.” Even with members of their own party denouncing the re-drawing, one would think that the least that could be done would be to reveal who actually drew the new legislative map. That is, of course, if the Democrats know who did it – or maybe a random online map generator is to blame.

Did Shakespeare write his own plays? Who shot Tupac? What is covefe? Who drew the Democrats’ map? These are the toughest questions one must consider.

BREAKING NEWS: Kavanaugh Confirmation Hearing Begins In Chaos Spurred By Democratic Senators And Protesters

The beginnings of Senate confirmation hearings for Judge Brett Kavanaugh erupted in chaos Tuesday morning as both Democratic senators and protesters within the chamber interrupted opening remarks from Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley (R-IA). Just seconds after he began speaking, chants and screams from the crowd were the background of the objections from Senator Kamala Harris (D-CA) who said, “We cannot possibly move forward,” after receiving a load of 42,000 documents relating to the nominee’s work with past administrations the night before the start of the hearings.

Grassley responded saying she was “out of order,” but other Democrats joined in the criticism to back up Harris. In a report from Fox News, Senator Richard Blumenthal (D-CT) even moved to adjourn the session to have time to review the documents.

The move from the Connecticut senator was met with applause from the audience, both elected leaders and protesters alike.

Last night, Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) took to Twitter railing against the document dump.

“The Senate was just given an additional 42,000 pages of Kavanaugh documents the NIGHT BEFORE his confirmation hearing. This underscores just how absurd this process is. Not a single senator will be able to review these records before tomorrow.”

Judge Kavanaugh, inarguably, has one of the longest records of any Supreme Court nominee in recent memory. He has served for more than a decade on the D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals, penning over 300 opinions. As well, he worked as former President George W. Bush’s White House counsel, and before was integral in the impeachment proceedings into former President Bill Clinton while working with Ken Starr.

The confirmation hearings, if continued, will take place over four days, with the issues of abortion rights, the Second Amendment, executive powers, among others laying the groundwork for questions thrown at Kavanaugh. Reportedly, Democrats have viewed thousands of the recently released documents, but are pleading for more time so any and all issues with his previous rulings can be analyzed.

In reference to being asked about political biases on the Supreme Court, Kavanaugh said “a good judge must be an umpire.”